The Hidden Factor in Your Menopause Experience: Culture, Social Support, and Why It All Matters
When Brain Fog Made Me Question Everything
As a doctor, my job is fundamentally about thinking—listening, analyzing, diagnosing, remembering details. It's a cognitive profession through and through. So when I started experiencing brain fog during perimenopause, it wasn't just inconvenient. It was terrifying.
I'd be mid-conversation with a patient and suddenly lose track of what we were discussing. I'd forget things I'd known for years—medical facts that used to come automatically. And here's what really got to me: it started to make me doubt myself.
I found myself increasingly anxious, worried about what I might be missing at work. My confidence—something I'd built over my entire professional career—started to erode. And I kept wondering: "Am I losing my capability? What if my colleagues notice? What if I let my patients down?"
This is a story I hear constantly from the professional women in my clinic. The loss of confidence. The worry about being thought less of by colleagues or bosses. The fear of letting clients down. The creeping sense that maybe you're "losing the plot."
But here's what fascinates me—and what I want to explore with you today: the experience of menopause isn't just about hormones and biology. It's profoundly shaped by how our culture and society view aging women.
And that cultural context might be making everything harder than it needs to be.
The Double-Edged Sword of Social Media and Information
I attended a menstrual health symposium recently, and there was fascinating discussion about cross-cultural perspectives on menopause. It got me thinking about something I see constantly online.
On one hand, social media and the internet have made information about menopause incredibly accessible. Women can find community, share experiences, learn about symptoms and treatments. This is genuinely revolutionary—previous generations suffered in silence.
But here's the flip side: when you go looking for information about menopause online, what do you mostly find? Problems. Struggles. Worst-case scenarios.
It's the same phenomenon as Googling "abdominal pain" and having every search result scream "CANCER!" when the reality is it's more likely to be just constipation or something equally mundane.
Social media shows us a biased sample. The women who are ten-plus years post-menopause, who've come through the worst of symptoms and feel like life is actually quite good? They're not jumping on the internet talking about their problems—because they don't have problems to discuss.
We hear the difficult stories. We don't hear the positive ones.
This creates a pervasive narrative that menopause is uniformly awful, something to be feared and endured. And I think this cultural narrative—this expectation that menopause means loss and decline—actually makes the experience harder than it needs to be.
The Cultural Lens: Why Western Societies Make Menopause Harder
Here's what really struck me in the research on cross-cultural perspectives on menopause: in many non-Western societies, postmenopausal women actually gain enhanced social status and report better psychological well-being.
Let me say that again: in some cultures, menopause isn't viewed as decline—it's viewed as an elevation.
These cultures offer postmenopausal women:
Freedom from menstrual taboos that may have restricted them previously
Seniority within their families and communities
New role opportunities that were previously reserved for men
Greater decision-making authority in family and community matters
Increased respect accorded to elderly women
And here's the kicker: research shows that women in these cultures report better quality of life during and after menopause.
The difference isn't their biology. It's how their society values them as they age.
What Western Culture Gets Wrong About Aging Women
I think one of the fundamental problems in Western cultures—particularly for professional women—is that menopause is perceived as a time of loss rather than a time of gain.
What are we told we're losing?
Our mental sharpness (hello, brain fog anxiety)
Our emotional stability (mood swings, anxiety, irritability)
Our physical appearance (aging, weight gain, skin changes)
Our value in the workplace (ageism is real)
Our sexual attractiveness and desirability
With that narrative dominating the cultural conversation, is it any wonder that women approach menopause with dread? That we try to minimize the losses, hide the symptoms, push through despite feeling terrible?
This cultural expectation creates stress at exactly the time when our bodies need the opposite—rest, support, and permission to adapt.
The Matriarchal Advantage: What Research Shows
Here's where the research gets really interesting. Studies comparing women in matriarchal versus patriarchal societies reveal significant differences in menopausal experience.
Women in matriarchal structures (where older women hold power and respect) score higher on:
Family support
Self-esteem
Overall psychological well-being
Meanwhile, women in patriarchal structures—where power is held primarily by men and youth is valued over age in women—experience more difficult transitions and lower quality of life post-menopause.
Think about what this means: the structure of your society—who has power, who is respected, how aging is viewed—directly impacts how you experience menopause.
It's not just about your individual hormones or symptoms. It's about whether your culture sees you as gaining wisdom and authority, or losing value and relevance.
The Power of Social Support: It's Not Just Nice, It's Measurable
Research has quantified something I see constantly in my practice: social support can improve postmenopausal women's quality of life by 6.7 times.
Let that sink in. Not 67%. Not double. Six point seven times better.
The types of support that matter include:
Emotional support: Empathy, understanding, someone listening to your experience
Instrumental support: Practical help, resources, assistance with daily tasks
Informational support: Guidance, knowledge, helping you navigate decisions
Awards and recognition: Being valued for who you are and what you contribute
Studies also show that:
Larger family size (more family members providing support) is protective
Being married is associated with better quality of life across all ethnic groups
Higher family income (which often enables more support and resources) predicts better outcomes
But here's what fascinates me: it's not just having family around. It's whether that family—and the broader culture—actually values and supports you as you age.
The Psychological Factors That Help
Beyond cultural structure and family support, research identifies several psychological factors associated with better menopausal experiences:
Higher self-esteem is protective—but notice that self-esteem is itself shaped by whether your culture values aging women.
Low levels of perceived stress are associated with better quality of life across all ethnic groups—but stress levels are influenced by whether you feel supported or isolated, valued or dismissed.
Trying to be optimistic appears across ethnic groups as a helpful strategy—but optimism is easier when your culture gives you reasons to be optimistic about aging.
See the pattern? Even individual psychological factors are shaped by cultural context.
What Menopause Actually Gains You (That Nobody Talks About)
Let me share something that I wish was discussed more openly: there are genuine benefits to being postmenopausal. But because our cultural narrative focuses relentlessly on loss, we don't hear about them.
The benefits I see in my practice and experience myself:
Freedom from menstrual management: No more worrying about periods, planning around your cycle, managing symptoms, dealing with unpredictability. For women who've struggled with heavy periods, low iron, or fatigue, this can be genuinely liberating.
Relief from specific conditions: For women like me who had endometriosis, menopause can bring significant improvement in pelvic pain because you're no longer experiencing hormonal stimulation of abnormal endometrial tissue.
No more contraception worries: The mental load of managing contraception—gone. The physical side effects of contraceptive methods—no longer necessary.
Mood stability for some: Women who experienced significant premenstrual syndrome (PMS) or premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD) often find that mood evens out post-menopause when hormones stabilize.
Perspective and clarity: Many postmenopausal women report feeling more clear about their priorities, less concerned with others' opinions, more willing to speak their truth.
The rocky bit is the transition itself. But what I find fascinating is that when I talk to women who are 10+ years post-menopause—who've come through the worst of symptoms and emerged on the other side—many of them say life is actually quite good. Some say it's better than before.
But you won't hear these stories online, because these women aren't searching for solutions to problems they no longer have.
The Brain Fog Story, Revisited
Remember how I started this article? With my own brain fog and loss of confidence?
Here's what I now understand: part of what I experienced was genuinely hormonal—estrogen affects cognitive function, and declining levels impact memory and mental clarity. Part of it was definitely sleep deprivation from hot flushes (none of us function well without sleep).
But part of it—maybe a bigger part than I initially realized—was the cultural context I was operating in.
I work in a profession that values cognitive sharpness above almost everything else. I'm a woman in a field where we're already scrutinized more carefully than male colleagues. I'm aging in a culture that equates aging women with declining capability.
My anxiety about brain fog wasn't just about the brain fog itself. It was about what it meant in the context of my culture's expectations.
If I lived in a culture that viewed me as gaining wisdom and authority as I aged, that respected my accumulated knowledge and experience, that expected me to take on more decision-making power—would I have experienced the same confidence crisis? Or would I have been gentler with myself, more accepting of temporary cognitive changes, more confident that my value extended beyond perfect recall?
What Actually Helps: Creating Your Own Cultural Context
So what do we do with this information? Most of us can't pack up and move to a matriarchal society with different cultural norms about aging women.
But we can make conscious choices about the cultural messages we absorb and the support systems we build.
Curate Your Information Sources
Be intentional about what menopause content you consume:
Seek out balanced perspectives, not just problem-focused content
Follow postmenopausal women who share the positive aspects of their experience
Limit exposure to fear-mongering or catastrophizing content
Look for evidence-based information that includes both challenges and solutions
Remember: social media is a biased sample. The women thriving post-menopause aren't posting about how great things are—they're living their lives.
Build Your Support System Deliberately
Social support improves quality of life by 6.7 times—make it a priority:
Cultivate relationships with women at various life stages, especially postmenopausal women who can offer perspective
Join menopause support groups (online or in-person) where experiences are validated
Communicate your needs to family members—they may not understand what you're experiencing
Consider working with healthcare providers who take menopause seriously and offer comprehensive support
Challenge Cultural Narratives Actively
Question the story you're being sold about aging:
When you catch yourself thinking "I'm losing my sharpness," reframe: "I'm gaining perspective and wisdom"
When society suggests you're becoming invisible, ask: "To whom? And why does their gaze determine my value?"
When you feel pressure to hide menopausal symptoms, consider: "What if this transition deserves respect, not secrecy?"
Recognize What You're Gaining
Make a conscious list of benefits you're experiencing:
Freedom from aspects of reproductive life you won't miss
Clarity about priorities and boundaries
Reduced tolerance for nonsense
Accumulated wisdom and life experience
Whatever specific benefits apply to your situation
Seek Professional Support That Validates Your Experience
Work with healthcare providers who:
Take your symptoms seriously (not dismissive "that's just menopause")
Offer evidence-based treatment options
Address the whole picture (sleep, stress, mood, physical symptoms)
Respect your lived experience and individual needs
The Bigger Picture: Advocating for Cultural Change
On an individual level, we can curate our personal environments and support systems. But I also think we need broader cultural change.
What would it look like if Western culture:
Valued older women's wisdom and experience as much as youth?
Provided enhanced roles and opportunities for postmenopausal women?
Respected the menopausal transition as a normal life stage deserving of support?
Celebrated women gaining clarity, perspective, and freedom?
Offered institutional support (workplace accommodations, healthcare access) for menopausal symptoms?
These aren't radical ideas. They're already reality in some cultures. We could learn from them.
The Bottom Line
Your experience of menopause isn't just about your hormones—it's profoundly shaped by the cultural context you're navigating.
If you're struggling with symptoms, if your confidence is shaken, if you feel like you're losing ground—please know that part of what you're experiencing is the weight of cultural expectations that don't serve you.
You're not just dealing with estrogen decline. You're dealing with a culture that doesn't adequately value aging women.
Understanding this doesn't make the symptoms disappear, but it can help you direct your frustration appropriately and seek the support you deserve.
And here's what I want you to know: the transition may be rocky, but you're not declining. You're transforming. And in cultures that recognize this transformation as valuable, women thrive.
You deserve to thrive too.
If you're navigating menopause and struggling with how symptoms are affecting your confidence, work, or sense of self—and you want support that addresses not just the biology but the whole context of your experience—I'd love to help you create a comprehensive approach tailored to your individual situation.
P.S. I'm genuinely curious: How has menopause affected your confidence or sense of self? Have you felt the weight of cultural expectations about aging? What support has helped you most? Reply and share your experience—these conversations shape how I think about and discuss these topics.
References:
Zhang Y, et al. (2016). Matriarchal structure and social support in postmenopausal women
Kaiser K, et al. (1990). Cross-cultural perspectives on menopause
Syam H, et al. (2022). Social support and quality of life in postmenopausal women
Im E, et al. (2010). Cultural influences on menopausal experiences
Avis N, et al. (2004). Quality of life factors across ethnic groups
